Friday, March 23, 2012

My Problems with Alcohol: Survival

Still so young and lacking confidence, I was proposed an idea that I never thought I would agree to.  But what choice did I have? I had a few hundred dollars to my name and about four months to kill before I can begin training in the military.

 Nicole's plan was well thought out and she knew I couldn't refuse because of the predicament I put myself into.  The dreaded 'ok' came out of my mouth but the moment it left my lips I wanted to take it back!  I was then reminded of the filth and shame I carried from having my innocence stripped - I felt dirty and all of a sudden this seemed like a natural progression; something that was supposed to happen next.

Thinking about it, there must have been something about me that men wanted - something they found appealing and attractive, even though deep down I felt ugly and disgusting.  Why not get paid? This curse is going to follow you anyway, you might as well make the most of it.

Ok, but this time - I'm in control.

If I had second thoughts, any chance of taking the couple hundred dollars and stretching it for four months quickly vanished; I was robbed shortly after our talk.  It was as if my 'ok' stamped my signature into a life I had no chance of escaping from.

 I kindly asked a guy at the gas station for directions. Pointing to my map, he glanced over at my purse on the seat, grabbed it and took off! I immediately jumped out of my car screaming and he was gone.  Thankfully, I had my ID and some cash in my pant's pocket. Oh God, what have I gotten myself into? Why am I still here? Survival.

Turned out, Nicole did have a friend here and he agreed to let us stay with him.  He was a son of a rich man who lived in a high rise on a very popular south Florida boulevard.  But our stay could only be brief, as dad and son had adjoining walls; dad wasn't too keen on two girls staying with his son.  After connecting with Nicole's friend, we needed to go shopping for the appropriate attire working in a gentlemen's club; I certainly didn't come equipped.  Trying on multiple articles with minimal fabric that sparkled, we found the working gear that would land us an audition.

I was in the company of folks who knew exactly which club to hit up.  Nothing raunchy and nothing too upscale - something right in the middle.  The rule was, no touching, I didn't want any nasty man's paws on my body.  Remember, I'm in control.

We walk in during daylight hours and there are women working and men scattered about.  We asked to speak to the manager.  Some buff guy greets us at the front and escorts us into an office to see the boss.  Dressed in a suit, this man was no nonsense.  He took a good look at us and gave a brief run down.  Individually we would go out to this caged platform, the size of a small table with a pole in it, strip down and dance one song while he watches from the multiple cameras facing the stage.  Afterwards, we would leave the stage and walk back into his office to hear his decision.

 I was scared, nervous, unsettled, feeling completely out of my element.  But it was like this wicked voice spoke confidence into me and the sexy switch was flipped on.  You're in control was what I kept hearing and for some reason, those few words fueled my way through this. I was ready and I was going to act like I knew exactly what I was doing. This job is mine and I'm taking it!

That was easy. He was impressed. I didn't have to start working the dead day-shift hours; that was usually the starting point for some girls not quite up to par. I was scheduled during primetime but I was not ready for what this all entailed.


  1. God knows your heart and so do all the many, many people who know and love you. Christ's atoning sacrifice paid the price for all our sins, big and small. The fact that you have the strength to share your struggles with a judging world should tell all of them what God has done for you and what He can do for them. You and I have both gone from "I'm in control" to God's in Control! and I pray everyone can make that change. I love you. :) -- ps. we must have been talking some then because I remember you telling me you'd just been robbed...I know I was in the midst of my own chaos at the time. AND, having rocked it out more than once with you I can vouch that you're dancing is Primetime! lol (At least now we're dancing to God's music!)

  2. WOW! POWERFUL! thanks for writing

  3. Your testimony is inspiring; Thank you Shannon- Thank you JESUS for Shannon; her history, her transformation! Your courage stems from Jesus, interpreted by forgiveness & Grace!

    You are incredible!