Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Great Expectations

Receiving a phone call that your child is hurt automatically sends your heart racing; a flood of questions enter your mind that puts you in a frenzy to find out the answers to the how, what, why and when. I got to experience this twice in one day.

I'm at work and I get the call that my son had just broken his arm throwing a dodge ball. Imagine the questions going through my mind - Throwing a dodge ball?? Is that even possible? Well, the first phone call paled in comparison to the second when I found out the result of the fracture was because they found a tumor that was causing his bones to weaken. Immediately, you hop on that train taking you to the worst possible outcome - CANCER. I needed to find a 'switch' off this track fast because traveling down this path was not only jumping to conclusions, but I was headed towards bearing the burden of unnecessary negative feelings and emotions.

The crying stopped and I immediately turned to God and petitioned people for prayers - Faith began it's work and the response was overwhelming. There was a flood of peace that came over me. In that moment, I lost my desire to be in control and I turned my fears over to God. There is nothing more comforting than realizing you don't need to have all the answers; you don't even need all the details - You just need to TRUST.

This situation continued to unfold and new developments were on the horizon. I could choose to be a maniac while this process runs it's course, or I can remain calm knowing there is something bigger going on that is beyond my pay grade.

It isn't easy for parents when things like this happen. You want the very best for your kids but running around with negative emotions flared up was not going to turn this situation in my favor.  In fact, it never fails to make the situation worse, not just for me but the people around me.

News came in from the doctor that my son doesn't have a tumor, he has a cyst that needs to be drained and patched up. No big deal, right? Cysts are mosquito bites compared to cancerous tumors! My heart rejoiced and my next steps was just making sure that my son healed properly from his fractured arm until the following appointment with a childrens specialist.

We made it to the next appointment and walked in with confidence thinking we were going to hear more good news from this specialist. Unfortunately, the visit didn't go as planned. My small problem just became bigger in a matter of minutes. I left the office feeling deflated and clouded by uncertainty. The doctor gave us small percentages and a low chance of any possible option working to get rid of this thing. Not only did I receive three options with outcomes that were just "ok", but there was a risk that if the first two options didn't work, the third one might cause the growth of his arm to stop, resulting in one arm being longer than the other. SAY WHAT?!  This was no mosquito bite!

You would think I would learn from previous reactions, "Shannon, don't go there again," as I'm purchasing that ticket to jump on that train.

I really believe God allows these things to happen to show you the areas you need to work on.  While people may believe I am strong, the truth is, I struggle at times.  Yes, I sometimes forget that I have a loving God who is for me.  No, that doesn't mean I always get what I want. I sometimes forget His plans, no matter what, are ALWAYS good.  I lose sight of Him and I become focused on the circumstance and what just happened.  The good news is, God always ropes me back in, grants me perspective and He gives me hope beyond anything I can see.

While I have no clue what the process is going to look like, I have great expectations that good is going to come from this. I am believing that my son can be in the 5 percentile the doctor told me about of beating this thing without going under the knife. But if he must go under, then I will keep believing that whatever procedure this thing calls for, we WILL beat it. More specifically, we beat it by not allowing this circumstance to take a life on it's own and ruin our days.  We have given our lives to Jesus, so it's His care we rest in and thats enough to get us through anything.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. - Jeremiah 29:11

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