Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Available to the Call

I thought it was only appropriate to begin this blog with the very thing that has been keeping me from starting it. Have you ever wanted to do something that's been burning on the inside of you but felt inadequate and defeated by the reoccurring negative self-talk? 

"Not good enough" has been a clanging bell going off in my head for quite some time. It has left me paralyzed with fear and at a complete standstill from the purposes of God. I have resisted the challenge to go further, to do more, to be all that God wants of me. I have wasted time and the gifts He has entrusted me with for the sake of being safe. At the expense of my peace, I have chosen to listen to that carnal tape recorder which has put me in an unrestful state.

"You aren't qualified."
"Who would listen to you?"
"Nobody cares."
"You don't have what it takes."
"Look at her talent, you don't come close."
"Do you remember the time when..."
"What if..."


The Holy Spirit wants to go one way with me and I'm telling Him reasons why I can't. The battle of wills between flesh and Spirit rage within me.

STOP!!

I will tell you, my feelings of inadequacies wasn't birthed overnight. I have been conditioned over time by harmful words, circumstances, past failures and the by standards of this world. Unlearning what's been a part of you for so many years is no small feat. It's ripping strands of DNA out of your genetic makeup and then trying to piece it back together again. I've come undone, to begin building with a new set of blue prints, functioning healthy, whole and new. But in order to change the lack of momentum in my life, I am going to have to change the way I think. Where the mind goes, the man follows. 

 

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. - Romans 12:2

 

I've never attended college. I was never really good at grammar, as a matter of fact, I spoke broken English for a large part of my life because of where I was raised. I don't have an extensive vocabulary. I sometimes use words in the wrong context. I'm still learning how to use punctuation, properly. I don't know the first thing about structuring a writing piece.

The areas I fall short keeps me humble and completely dependent on God; He has to show up! By His grace, God has given me gifts to exercise and develop and its only by Him that I am able to accomplish what He wants to do through me. The world says, "Trust in yourself!" I say, "NO! I am weak, I'm flawed and I fail!" I've got limits so it would behoove me to trust in something FAR greater than myself. The more I stop trying to do things on my own, the more room I give the Holy Spirit to move in. My success will come from yielding to Him and in the end the glory is all His and not my own!

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -
2 COR 12:9-10



I want to live my life on purpose! I write because there is a God story on the inside of me that wants to be told. I begin this blog to not only journal my experiences and document my growth, but with hopes that I may encourage anyone who reads it. God has been revealing things to me in this journey that I want to share.  At the risk of being completely exposed, vulnerable, and judged, I want to fulfill a God-given destiny that involves helping a broken world find healing. I have made myself available to the call and I say "Lord, here I am, send me!"

 

Where this will all lead? God knows. My job is walk it out, in faith, one step at a time...

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." MLK

5 comments:

  1. I am sooo excited and thankful that you started writing! You have so much to tell and so much wisdom to pour out. I just read all of your blogs so far and cannot wait for more! Your vulnerability certainly draws the reader in! God has blessed you with a gift of writing and deeply connecting that will go on to touch countless lives!

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  2. I have witnessed firsthand your transformation process....

    "It's ripping strands of DNA out of your genetic makeup and then trying to piece it back together again. I've come undone, to begin building with a new set of blue prints, functioning healthy, whole and new."

    This is most definitely my favorite sentence on your blog so far! Wow, I am going to love this blog!

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  3. I too have witnessed your amazing transformation and it's been a joy to watch and be part of. I'm so glad you are writing these blogs! You will touch many lives. You are a true blessing to me and to many around you Shannon and I'm so grateful for you and all the work our Lord is doing through you!

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  4. I read your blog backwards, I was surprised to read your first blog where you talk about your weaknesses in writing as that certainly didnt show, in fact your thoughts & emotions shine thru making your writing honest & beautifully written. Its admirable that you're not afraid to say 'this is who I am'. Keep writing, I stopped but you've inspired to start again.

    Much love to you & Rich
    Kathleen (Scotland) xxx

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  5. Shannon! Your words are perfect! Just they way God intended them to be. You have a gift and you are using it. What a testimony to God's abundant presence in your life. Please keep using this gift and keep on writing. I look forward to reading and being a part of your transformation and your God story! Anne, Jaden and I love our Shanny!

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